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Broken - Nikki

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November 12th, 2015

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08:25 pm - Broken

When you close your eyes tonight.. will I cross your mind one last time... as I lay here trying to function trying to breath, the reality and finality of the world haunts my mind. I can't breath so I panic and I wonder if the choices I have made are finally closing in around me. I used to leave crumbs.. so I would have a way to walk out.. but now I am feeling like Alice... when the door is so small and she is so big.. but for me there is no magic waiting to help ... I stand in a room forever  shrinking.. and I am pounding on the walls just to grasp at more air.. more space.. a chance to free the girl I used to be..  but I am broken.. I am lost... I cannot find my way.. I cannot break through.. and the loneliness of the world is just beating on me like the sun on a warm summer day... I can't breath as I look around trying to find a way to survive in the quicksand... but the more I struggle, the more I fall. When will you look at me for the one that I am.. when will you notice the room is so dark... and I am falling.... but you're never there to catch me.... you made a promise but you're not who you were... though you poke at every insecurity.. you knock me down.. I am loosing the battle.. but I won't loose the war. I am keeping my head above water... but trending lightly.. daily I feel the need to find a way to know that I am here. Daily I am forced to see the creepy dark road or the amazingly lit path.. most people chose as if there is no thought.. but I stuggle.... I can't see.. because everything about me is broken.. eveything about me bleeds..  I used to know who I was.. I used to stand strong..  when did that change.. who decided I needed to be so weak... where did my fight go.. when did I give up on my dreams... do you even see me? Do you know me? Will you wake up and help pick up thepieces... will you save me!

Current Location: lost in my mind

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